While I can’t deny my pubescent love for Brittany Spears and boy bands such as Backstreet Boys and N’SYNC, I never felt “part” of that world. It simply didn’t interest me or embraced who I was. I found myself gravitating towards the raspy drawls and high paced beats of different rock subtypes such as Grunge, Punk, Emo, and Alternative Rock.
Bands such as Nirvana, Green Day, Blink 182, and of course, My Chemical Romance blasted through my headphones on my super cool portable CD player constantly. What? I was a 90’s kid emerging into the early 2000’s. We didn’t all just get iPods instantly. Plus, the new technology wasn’t something I willingly embraced. My CD player did just fine. I liked being able to listen to albums in their entirety unphased by shuffling them into a mix. Not to mention the last thing I wanted to be part of was the consumerist society I loved to hate.
Blasting these tunes got me through those lovely middle and high school years. Being whipped around emotionally through the pointed lyrics, the brash behavior from the bands, and ultimately, the crazed frenzy their musical beats would throw me into quickly became my security blanket. The lyrics while crass and oftentimes emotionally overwhelming were fueled with deep perspectives of the world and somehow these dudes seem to really capture exactly what I was feeling during such a turbulent time in my life. In essence, the croons and screams coming from my headphones made me feel understood and embraced. When my headphones were on, I was home.
However, there was a stigma brewing. The Woodstock 99 disaster didn’t help the situation. Toxic masculinity was at an all time high. Add in the intense need for stardom, bands such as Limp Bizkit only perpetuated the behavior. Yes, I enjoy listening to them too but they are in a far different category than my go to music. Their behavior made it hard to support bands such as them who insinuated violence and often would coax women to throw their shirts off.
Now came the confines of teenage-hood. Warped Tour was coming and my dad had VIP tickets. I was fifteen and my mom was (understandably now) not too keen on the idea of her teen daughter being immersed into that world. Long story short, I didn’t go. I missed the chance to meet MCR. Devastation overthrew me. My dreams of becoming Penny Lane slipped between my fingertips. Sometimes, I still pout about it.
Thankfully, My Chemical Romance came back to town the next year and I was allowed to go as long as my dad stuck around me. Despite not being allowed to go into the pit (there was still some fear), the second I walked into the stadium a feeling of safety washed over me. Suddenly, I was home.
It wasn’t just that I already felt deeply connected with the music that caused this feeling. It was the fact that the audience was very aware of each other and the band rejected the media covered behavior. Alkaline Trio (the opener) was in tune with the needs of the audience and checked in with us rather than just droning on about their dicks or the girls they were getting ready to fuck. They seemed to actually care.
And then the band my little emo heart was completely enamored with came onto the stage. Just as their opener conducted themselves, My Chem let out guttural and emotional lyrics that wrapped themselves around my soul. They made sure the pit was a safe environment- it was clear not only did they understand who their audience was, they also were very much protective of them.
Slowly, the stigma began to fade- not all bands were into exploiting women and trashing venues. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Being at that concert was the first time in my life that I felt safe and embraced for who I was. My angst riddled soul was understood and not questioned.
As the reigns of my parents began to loosen I began to attend more concerts and festivals. And each time what I encountered was far different than what the media ever wanted the public to see. Yes, there were the occasional bands such as Anberlin who were so full of themselves they almost walked off stage because we weren’t flashing our praise (and let’s be honest tits) at them the way they wanted. And there was Panic! At the Disco where Brenden Urie was clearly going through a bad break up and he kept mentioning his ex who used to sleep with his friends.
But that wasn’t the norm.
What I witnessed were bands such as Hollywood Undead, Shine Down, Disturbed, Rise Against, and of course more MCR as well as countless others who would literally stop a show if they saw something that wasn’t right in the crowd. If just one fan passed out, the show would be paused until the person was helped. When a girl would throw her shirt off they would tell her to put it back on and then lecture us about how you shouldn’t need to expose yourself for attention. They loved us and respected us. These bands were setting the example.
This resonated into a respectful and fun place for us fans to flock to. Yes, there were mosh pits that were filled with rage and energy but if you didn’t want to be part of it there was always someone to help you get out. There has never been shade thrown from one person to another and 15+ years and too many shows to count later, I have never once seen anyone get violent. There’s just a mutual understanding that we were all there for the same reason.
We are hurt. We are angry. We still see the beauty in the world and still know that despite all our rage and angst, we can create something beautiful. Most importantly, at shows like this, we are all equal.
Fast forward to just a few days ago.
I was gifted tickets to see Blink 182. My entire body was shaking with excitement as my husband and I walked up towards the stadium. Nothing felt real. Not only was I going to be able to see one of my all time favorite bands, I was going to a giant venue filled with over 17k people and… didn’t feel scared.
As we walked in, Pierce the Veil was fueling the crowd with their energetic and poetic vibes. They were clearly having a blast on stage and it was their battle cry which welcomed me home. In that moment, I finally felt peace. Nothing in that stadium could harm me because of the synchrony and the unspoken respect us fans and the band had for one another.
Even the members from Blink and Hot Milk were popping in to watch in awe of Pierce the Veil. They trusted the crowd and security enough to walk up behind the pit and support one another. They truly were rooting for one another. There is no denying the comradery than can be found in places like these.
And then the moment came where Blink 182 came onto the stage. I lost my absolute shit and fan girled the fuck out of the entire concert. They played hard. They had fun. They made sure that they made us screaming fans feel like we were part of the fun. And we absolutely did. They joked about their lives, our lives, and messed with the lyrics of their own songs. Together, the crowd and the band enjoyed pushing the social envelope- pyro technics, dick jokes and all.
When Vic Fuentes came out from backstage to watch Blink rip up the stage he was humbled when we all noticed him. Now, I’m not going to pretend that I am their biggest fan. I didn’t know much about Pierce the Veil up until I heard they were touring with Blink 182. This status is quickly changing because damn, if you haven’t heard them play stop reading and look them up right now.
But, I took a moment out of I Miss You to ask him to autograph the guitar pick he used during the show (this was randomly given to me by someone on his stage crew). As soon as the girl next to me realized I wasn’t getting the autograph because no marker was found, she whipped hers out and made sure I got that autograph. Fuentes was humble, kind, and really chill. There was no superiority complex emitting from someone who easily could have brushed me off. He seemed just as surprised to have the interaction.
And underneath their punk exteriors, you could tell by the way Pierce and Blink interacted with one another that they are all really down to earth dudes. I don’t think that any of them would have discarded their water if it wasn’t at a perfectly chilled 78 degrees (Fahrenheit). They were all there to party and have fun. Plus, they made you feel like they were actually looking straight at you and into your soul while they perform.
Maybe my alter ego Penny Lane wasn’t the best idea (ifykyk) but being so close to the bands and watching them as they entered and exited the stage filled me with another round of pure elation. Maybe I could be William instead?
This was the world I had always gravitated to. This was the place where I have always felt safe. It wasn’t a passing fad I fell in love with. The angst, the rage, the pure energy from musicians like the ones I have been following since my formative years will always be part of who I am.
It wasn’t a phase. It’s a way of life.